last night carter and i went to hailey's wedding reception. hailey used to be my step-sister...its still weird saying that because they all still feel like my family. i was welcomed by everyone with open arms last night and so was carter. it was really great. i ended up shipping carter home so i could enjoy myself a little more and catch up with everyone. at one point i found myself sitting at the table by myself watching hailey, lori, j.t., nancy, rachel...the whole clan up dancing and having a good time. then the waterworks hit me...i don't know if it was because hailey was married, if i was just lonely but at that moment i realized that even though they still feel like family; it isn't the same and never will be again. i used to picture hailey's wedding and lori's wedding- i would stand up beside them, fix their dress
es, hold their bouquets but yet there i was- sitting at a table alone remembering what it was like growing up with them and very very sad that i can't share in this new chapter with hailey. we would be fun wives together and eventually fun mommies together. sometimes life just isn't very fair.i have realized that i CAN NOT burn bridges with these people. i spent 10 years of my life with them...you can't just forget about 4 people that impacted your life so profoundly. i still love them all and always will. i miss them and am planning on keeping in better contact with all of them- especially hailey and lori.
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